I wanna bite somebody in the face!!!

man i am so ENRAGED right know i don’t even know where to begin. okay so first of all remember when i talking about looking for apartments (thats if you actually follow this thing, i can see you scratching your heads) and i said it was pissing me off. well i found one. it was on the smaller side, but it was nice, in a great area, and close to transport links (and if you live in a big city, it’s all about location). so i put down a holding deposit. now before i venture further with this rant, i think you should have some history.

HISTORY

before this, i found a gorgeous flat and it was big and etc

it was kinda like this but without all the expensive shit

i wanted this sooooo bad. like a crack addict in need of a fix, i wanted this thing. so i went in and they said i didn’t make enough money to rent it  …BUT if i met the landlord and he liked me then maybe there was a chance. so i got all professional, put on my best shoes and stuff but it was still a no go. even though i had brought my lease to show that i had been paying the same amount for a full year, he said

“after you pay me, how are you going to live?”

and i thought, why do you give a shit? as long as you get your money, what does it matter about the rest of bills. if i don’t eat why do you care? just consider it a new diet. Hello . that’ s also why i’d be putting down a 1600 deposit, so should i default on my rent, you’d have all that money to toss my ass out. it’s like he was personalizing and feeling “bad” if i couldn’t pay other bills.

anorexic dog...not your fault (ps PETA gonna get me)

like i know as a landlord it’s in your best interest to secure the apartment is rented all the time but it was a really nice place it wasn’t like it was gonna be on the market for long ya know. and after he took his 1600 i’m sure he’d be fine.

so after this little encounter i learned about this “not making enough money” ‘problem’ (even though i have been paying this amount of rent for 5 YEARS!). i thought i would fix said ‘problem’ by upping what i made a little bit. so back to the new, smallish place.

i put a holding depsoit down (stupid, but necessary), and got a fake work reference stating i made a helluva lot more than i did. so then they asked to see bank statements. now legally they have a right to ask but not receive. and FYI i’ve never handed over bank statements before. and i was def. not about to now, seeing as well, my meager earnings would not match up to what i and  what my work reference said. so to comprimise, i gave them a bank balance, which if i may so myself is pretty hefty. it even had a “paid in” amount so they could see i had money going in, and like i have been doin for 5 years CAN PAY THE RENT.

no, that wasn’t enough. so i gave them some payslips… so they were a little cooked* to reflect what i said i made,

Maury, I'm 100% sure that I am NOT the father!

but i had to! knowing that they would reject me (AND I CAN’T REPEAT THIS ENOUGH, I CAN PAY) based on my wages. and  nope STILL not good enough. they wanted to run a credit check! and i was like WTF. i have been renting for 5 YEARS and i’ve never once had to a) hand over bank account details or  b) do a credit check.

and i wish the mofo agent had told me at the time he was gonna need all of that shit beforehand, cos if he had, i would have told him to forget it (wisely) and not hand over a holding deposit for something (on paper) that i couldn’t afford.

I’M SO FUCKING FURIOUS RIGHT NOW.  especially b/c he, a whole WEEK after i put down the holding deposit, knew he was gonna need this shit but didn’t tell me till later. and when i asked for the holding deposit back he said nope b/c it covers the days the property was “off the market” and “admin” fees.

i thought um… the apartment won’t be vacated until the 22nd of May (it’s the 9th today by the way). meaning IT’S NOT OFF THE MARKET cocksucker. so really the land lord hasn’t lost any money. and as far as  “admin” fees. all he did was look at a FUCKING EMAIL OF SCANNED PICTURES. and he has to say “no, i can’t give you your money back b/c these are the bullshit rules that i didn’t explain to you and i just sit on my ass all day”. CUNT. that’s right i said it.

CUNT.

that’s so CUNTISH. they don’t explain these “rules” to you and then FUCK you up afterwards.  and now i have to beg for my current landlord to let me stay in my current flat afer i’ve given my notice. brilliant.

i totally feel like this giraffe right now